Let’s face it—when the temperature rises, so do tempers. Whether it’s the sweat on your back, the traffic jam with no AC, or a snippy comment from a coworker, summer can crank up more than just the heat. But what if these hot moments—both literal and emotional—are offering us more than just discomfort? What if they’re pointing us toward something deeper?
Staying calm under pressure is often seen as a sign of maturity or strength. But beneath the surface, our emotional reactions can tell a much richer story. Like a summer storm that rolls in suddenly after a sunny day, our strong feelings often don’t come out of nowhere. They’re often stirred by triggers—situations or words that unconsciously remind us of unhealed childhood wounds. These flare ups often feel like bigger than expected emotional reactions to something that “shouldn’t have been a big deal.”
When Emotions Flare: What’s Really Going On?
According to research by neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, an emotion—biochemically speaking—only lasts about 90 seconds. After that, it’s our thoughts, judgments, and resistance that keep it going. That initial wave of anger or sadness is natural, but when it lingers or escalates, it’s often because it’s hitting something deeper inside us. How annoying to learn that we might be unintentionally perpetuating our own distress. Akin to breathing more air into an already blown up balloon, we are creating additional pressure until we pop.
That deeper “something” can be unresolved pain from earlier in life. Maybe a friend not texting back stirs the same feeling you had when a parent didn’t show up for you. You’re concentrating on the text message, but the real trigger is the reason you’re assuming they aren’t messaging you back. You’re not a priority, you’re not important,, you don’t matter. Or a critical boss feels like the voice of an old authority figure, another reminder that you’re not good enough. These reactions aren’t irrational—they’re rooted in very real, very human patterns. As psychologist Dr. Dan Siegel puts it, “what’s shareable is bearable”—and acknowledging these patterns can help loosen their grip. Accepting that there is pressure in the balloon is one part of the puzzle. Feeling the heat of the day in all its discomfort is part of the puzzle.
The Power of Acceptance: Let the Heat Pass Through
Instead of judging ourselves for reacting, what if we got curious instead? In the same way we don’t fight the sun (we put on sunscreen, grab some shade, or just sweat through it), we can approach our emotions with a little more grace. Research in acceptance-based therapies, like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), shows that acknowledging and allowing emotions—rather than suppressing them—leads to better long-term mental health.
Trying to “stay cool” by bottling things up only raises the emotional temperature inside. But when we pause and ask ourselves, What am I really feeling? What might this be connected to?, we turn down the inner heat. Over time, we can learn to respond instead of react—and that’s where true growth begins. Or back to the balloon analogy, we can learn to release the pressure inside the balloon. Kids love that noise & so will your inner child.
Weathering the Storm: Becoming Your Own Anchor
We all have emotional weather patterns. Some days are calm and breezy. Others, the air is thick and storm clouds gather. But every moment is an opportunity to become more aware, more grounded, and more connected to ourselves. Emotional triggers aren’t something to be ashamed of—they’re like heat advisories: helpful signals that something in us needs care and attention.
So this summer, as the heat rises outside, consider this an invitation to get familiar with your inner weather, too. Carry water, wear light clothes, and when a moment flares up—breathe, pause, and listen. Underneath the discomfort, there might just be an old story ready to be rewritten with compassion.
Mantras for Staying Cool During Emotional Heatwaves
1. “This feeling is strong, but I am stronger.”
Remind yourself that you have the capacity to experience intense emotions without being consumed by them.
2. “I allow this emotion to rise, move, and pass.”
A gentle nudge toward emotional acceptance rather than resistance—like letting a summer breeze move through a room.
3. “I respond with curiosity, not judgment.”
This helps you shift from reactivity to mindful awareness, especially when a trigger arises.
4. “Even this is welcome.”
From ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) practices, this mantra supports the idea that all emotions—pleasant or not—deserve space.
5. “I am safe in this moment.”
Triggers often make us feel like we’re back in an unsafe past. This mantra can help re-anchor you in the present.
6. “My feelings are valid, and I don’t have to act on them right away.”
Emotions are messages, not commands. This gives you permission to pause before reacting.
7. “I breathe in calm. I breathe out tension.”
Simple, rhythmic, and grounding—perfect for pairing with deep, intentional breaths.
Cooling Strategies: What to Do When Emotions Heat Up
1. The 90-Second Rule Pause
Before reacting, remind yourself that emotions naturally rise and fall within about 90 seconds (Bolte Taylor, 2009). Try setting a 90-second timer, stepping away from the situation, or just silently repeating a calming mantra.
“Just give it 90 seconds. Let the storm pass.”
2. Name It to Tame It
Labeling your emotion out loud or in your mind—“This is anger,” “This is fear,” “This is shame”—activates the prefrontal cortex, helping regulate the emotional brain (Siegel, 2010).
Try saying: “I’m feeling ___ right now. It makes sense.”
3. The “What Else Might Be True?” Question
From Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): when you’re caught in a strong reaction, ask yourself if there might be another perspective. This helps challenge distorted or exaggerated thinking.
“Is there another way to see this?”
4. Grounding Through the Senses
Use the 5-4-3-2-1 method to stay present:
• 5 things you see
• 4 things you can touch
• 3 things you hear
• 2 things you smell
• 1 thing you taste
This pulls your focus away from emotional spirals and into the here and now.
5. The “Safe Container” Visualization
Visualize placing your overwhelming emotion in a safe, imaginary container that you can revisit later. You’re not avoiding it—you’re setting it down for now so you can function. This is especially helpful when you can’t process emotions right away.
6. Movement as Medicine
Emotions are physiological. Shake it out, stretch, walk, or dance—moving your body helps discharge excess emotional energy (van der Kolk, 2014). Even a 2-minute stretch can help regulate your nervous system.
7. Write a Trigger Journal
Track moments that set you off. Ask yourself:
• What happened?
• What emotion did I feel?
• What might this be reminding me of?
• What did I need in that moment?
Patterns often reveal deeper wounds—once known, they can be healed.
8. Set a “Cool-Down Phrase” with Loved Ones
Have a simple agreement with friends or partners like: “I need a minute to cool down—let’s come back to this.” This respects the heat of the moment while protecting relationships.
Hope these strategies keep you cool this summer.
Sending love,
Dr M
References
Bolte Taylor, J. (2009). My stroke of insight: A brain scientist’s personal journey. Plume.
Gross, J. J. (1998). The emerging field of emotion regulation: An integrative review. Review of General Psychology, 2(3), 271–299. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.3.271
Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Kabat-Zinn, J. (2003). Mindfulness-based interventions in context: Past, present, and future. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 144–156. https://doi.org/10.1093/clipsy.bpg016
Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician’s guide to mindsight and neural integration. W. W. Norton & Company.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.
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